Primarily, my self-development has been spiritual. What has always motivated my interests is that which could be called The Sacred. In my conception, the Sacred is innately found within the Word. This was true long before I became conscious of myself as a Christian. Even as a prematurely jaded & overcatechized child of Roman Catholicism, I worshipped the Word-Itself above the Institution of the Church & the “Popular Will” of those who identified with it. During Mass, I, (when not practicing my day-dreaming, which is, as some other American writers who suffered Catholic masses weekly in their childhoods suggest, perhaps where I first began to “write” in my mind)--- I would read during Mass. I would read the book of hymns, & follow along with the liturgy, often flipping back & forth to various significant dates in my numerological imaginings like some sort of astrological calendar (which it is), & wondering where the Bible was. Truly, as a child, I asked all the time: “Why can’t I just read the Bible?” – & adults would tell me: “You can!” – but just not here, not during Mass (my mother holds up a finger to her mouth, the symbol of sub rosa), not at CCD (the volunteer CCD teacher gives me a crayon)– at CCD we have coloring books & multiple choice quizzes. In fact, here at CCD, we are subconsciously teaching you that the textbook & rote methods of the american public school is simultaneously the most efficient means of understanding God. I got a 100% on knowing God on many multiple choice quizzes. I wondered why I had to keep attending.

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